Helpful Mindsets for Making Changes

Sometimes, (wait...I mean almost always) when people are in emotional pain (even just uncomfortable) they will behave in ways to try and feel better.  Sometimes (definitely sometimes) these strategies are effective and other times not so much.

It adds to our bad feelings even more when the strategies we use to feel better are harmful, like too much beer, getting lost on the internet or TV for hours, ignoring problems, over-spending, over-eating.  You get the idea.

The trouble is we rely on these methods because in some way they are serving a purpose.  So how do we break free from behaviors we don't like, and find new more rewarding, fulfilling, and positive behaviors???

There are different stages to making changes. They range from not even seeing a problem up to maintaining the positive changes that we have already made. 

 Respect where you are in the process.  Trust that you CAN and WILL figure out how to make the change you want to make.   The acceptance piece can be a lot harder than we might think though.  We get messages to "just do it" and if we don't right away or try and try and try, then we are "failures".  Beating ourselves up doesn't help us make changes.  Realize that the behaviors do not exist in isolation.  They are like spider webs tied to emotions, beliefs, and learning.

There are some mindsets that do help people make changes.

Consider these ideas:

Take responsibility for your behavior or situation.  There is a lot out of our direct control in life that is true.  However, we always have choices.

Get really curious, ask many questions, and stay open to the answers.  This in itself is an action step and moves us closer to figuring it all out.  Ask things like, how does this help me?  When I do "X", what happens?  What do I really want?  What conflicts with this desire?  There is no end to the questions we can ask ourselves.

Focus on your strengths and what you can do rather than what you can't do.  

At a minimum, be your own best friend.  Give yourself understanding, patience, and encouragement like you would a dear friend.  We all struggle with changes even if some people seem to have it all together.  They don't.

Thanks so much for reading!  Know that you are precious and have your own wisdom.

Love and blessings to you,