Ever feel all wound up about something???
Like when you are in a double bind, facing a negative outcome no matter what decision you make.
We mean well. We work hard and try to do "all the right things", the things we think are "right". I should learn that new program at work...I should spend time with my friend who is grieving...I want to go the game tonight...I want to buy new tires for my car. Whatever day it is, we bump up against choice after choice, decision after decision about how we spend our time and what actions to take. Usually we want things to go a certain way while at the same time we want to make choices that will be acceptable to others. Okay, great but what about when everything doesn't line up?
However it happens, we find ourselves predicaments where there seems to be no good solution. These situations take on a suffocating energy. We easily get stuck in our efforts to problem solve, spinning around between competing demands and conflicting values. The more we get set in our ideas, about how we want things to be or perhaps how we imagine the situation will play out, the tighter we contract. It feels like there are no options, like we are trapped, lying on a bed of nails with a sword to our throat.
It can feel that intense. We lose perspective in those moments. We forget that we always have choices. Even when we don't like the choices we have, we still have choices. If the goal is to stop struggling and move past this tight spot, then some tough choices need to be made.
There is no magic recipe for "how to easily and quickly get beyond a dilemma". Sorry. To be truly effective in these situations, we change the way we relate to what comes our way.
What does this mean? It means we face the discomfort and call it what it is. We snap out of our trance by recognizing that we are struggling. We make choices that will take care of ourselves. We take some space. We get grounded. We remember our strategies for how we typically try to escape our struggles (See the earlier post on Accepting What is) and we see these escape behaviors as a sign to come back. We apply the heat of our awareness to help us boil down to the substance of what our choices really are.
We need to be able to see the choices if we are going to decide on them. Right?
Once we get to a place of clarity we can get to the business of deciding. It helps to focus on what we can do rather than what we can't do.
It also helps to keep our eye on how we fear our choices will impact others. Will they be hurt? Will they be mad at me? Will they question my choices? Or think I'm doing something wrong? This is powerful stuff and will easily hijack our clear mindedness if we don't keep it in check.
The truth is we are doing the best we can with a tough situation. Plan A didn't work out the way we wanted and so we go with Plan B or maybe even Plan C.
May you experience clarity and courage as you face tough choices.
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