Finding Freedom Through Challenges

I was recently stung by the sharp reality of my dark side. I was caught up in a spell of complaining about someone else's behavior like a Cheerio swirling around in a toilet bowl waiting to disappear down into the pipes below. Happily, I acted on my impulse to purge every detail of this other person's transgression to a friend. It was strangely satisfying while it lasted but the vulnerability hangover had me in a virtual timeout. I didn't want to be complaining about others in this way and I felt embarrassed for doing it. What was I thinking?




Even when it doesn't seem like it, emotions are on our side. They help us. The ball and chain of guilt dragging behind me was the perfect motivator. It caught my attention and I realized, BAM, I am at a cross roads. What do I want to do with this? 




We all get situations in our lives that confront us. The creme de la creme of challenges usually involves other people, which keeps us looking at them and not us. As my 14 year old often says with a care free tone, "It ain't me, it you". But that doesn't mean our patience isn't tested by a flat tire or broken dishwasher too.



This stressful photo by David Castillo Dominici at freedigitalphotos.net




We can potentially grow and learn from our upsets. They present a rich soil for self reflection. To be whole and complete we need to accept all of our being, no matter how we judge these qualities. Packing away the parts of ourselves that we don't like does not make them go away. They are still sitting in a box in the back of a dark closet somewhere. This storage space comes with a weighty price tag...it anchors us to a home that we cannot move away from. We get limited by our baggage.




What we see so clearly in others is what we are often not wanting to accept in ourselves.  In this way, our challenges are our personal winning lottery tickets. We can rage against what someone else did without a blink. And, thank you, there they are...the winning numbers. Those are the same qualities screaming for acceptance within us. 




Like a scuba diver in dark murky water, we can't see what we can't see. Noticing what we react to in others offers us a lens for looking at ourselves and the world we have created. It doesn't mean we have to like it. If you are anything like me you can expect to say, "No I'm not like that!", but stay with it a little longer. It isn't a yes or no dealio. We are trying to develop a relationship here. When you bump up against a NO, ask yourself, "Could I ever show this quality, perhaps if I was in a different life situation? Is it possible under different circumstances?"



Photo by Stuart Miles at freedigitalphotos.net




Awareness of our disowned qualities allows us to take the wheel and take the roads we want to take.  We can learn the terrain of the unexplored parts of ourselves and greet these warts with openness, curiosity, and acceptance rather than anger or disdain.  We are perfectly human with  all the rest of humanity, beautifully flawed AND valuable.  We are freer to connect with all of our being when we watch how these qualities show up in others and ourselves.  This invites understanding and compassion, in different words, self acceptance.




We experience our light by accepting our dark.




Thanks for reading!

May you be showered by warm and loving thoughts when you need them most.